Irish

[ColinS]

A man walks into a Belfast pub and left a parcel on the bar.

"What's that ?' aked the barman.

It's my lunch."

"Is it tickin ?"

"No, It's Turkey"

[phpadmin]

"So, have you figured what to buy the Missus for Christmas?" asked Brady.
"I, sure have, she decided it for me," answered Paddy. "She said she wanted something with diamonds in it, so I've bought her a pack of cards."

[phpadmin]

How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!!

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Cos they're always a little short

[Exbirdie]

The Irish attempt on Mount Everest was a valiant effort,
but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding.

[KevinAbish]

What do you find floating in the Irish Sea.?
Ans Protestants telling Irish Jokes.

[Exbirdie]

A Man’s Last Request
Two Irishmen, Corben Murphy and Erin O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Corben was dying. While on his deathbed, Corben called to his buddy, Erin, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Erin walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Erin ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Corben, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

[Exbirdie]

Ce'ad mile fa'ilte romhat !
(A hundred Thousand Welomes to You)

[Exbirdie]

These two fine workmen are installing posts to stop nurses from parking on the sidewalk outside the Royal Hospital in Belfast .
They are cleaning up at the end of the day. How long do you think it will be before Paddy & Seamus realise they can't go home?

This is a real photograph..!

[Exbirdie]

Subject: Irish Confessional
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me,
for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession,
but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.
"The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."

[Exbirdie]

Irish Sausages Please
'Can I have some Irish sausages please?' Asked Seamus. I want to make a proper Irish hot-dog.
The shop assistant looked at him and enquired, 'Are you Irish?'
'If I asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would you, eh? Would you?'
The assistant replied, 'Well...er.... no' .
'And if I asked you for some Bourbon whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?'
'Well, I probably wouldn't,' came the response.
Self-righteously, Seamus demanded, 'Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish, just because I asked for Irish Sausages?'
'Because you're in a blooming shoe shop', replied the assistant